Harper waited in the large empty space of Building 20, and tried to calm her racing, thumping, pounding heart.  Well, that is not exactly true, Harper was not one to even know how one might calm herself; instead, when overly excited or nervous, she tried (mostly unsuccessfully) to ignore the fact that her pulse had quickened and her blood pressure had skyrocketed.  The Presentation of a newborn was always like this for her, or in any case had been ever since, about ten Earth years ago, she had realized, really thought about the fact, that some day she might be expected to do it.

The term "newborn" was also somewhat inaccurate.  Using the childbirth methods which had been more or less standard on Earth for several decades, Sophia had carried the fetus only to about the seven-month mark, and then birth was induced, and since then she had been caring for it in a process called "kangaroo care".  The baby was taped to her chest, its breathing and heartbeat monitored and supported, and it stayed there until it reached the point (about 280 days after conception) when it was developed enough to be brought out to meet the rest of the Colony.  That event (on Mars) was called the Presentation, and Harper had found it a fun and exciting celebration of a new life until it occurred to her that she might have to do it one day.

"Kangaroo care" had been, at first, a process only used in the case of unintentional premature birth, but as the medical equipment for it became better and better, doctors began inducing birth a little earlier, and a little earlier, as the decades went by, until eventually anything later than 7 months was considered risky.  On Mars, it was the tradition that no one other than Olivia (the de facto midwife and doctor of the Colony) and the very closest family members (usually the father and any siblings) saw an actual newborn, until it had reached a mass of about four kilograms, which happened at around 280 days after conception.

Harper, as Olivia's "younger", had been able to see Dorothy, Raymond, and Ruth before their Presentation, because she lived with them as a child.  Actually, as Dorothy was the first child born after the Evacuation twenty years before,  Presentation was not even a custom yet at that point.  It had happened accidentally, when Olivia finally felt confident enough that the newborn would live, to bring her out and introduce her to the rest of the Colony as Dorothy.  They naturally formed a circle around Olivia, Liam, Harper, and tiny Dorothy.  The name "Presentation" came a few years later, after it had happened a few times, and as usual no one was quite sure who had first called it that.  The new Martian was presented to the Colony; the other Martians more or less formally accepted it as one of them.

Harper tried to take a deep breath.  Alexander squeezed her hand lightly, and she squeezed back and looked over at him.  Alexander's smile was almost always calm and reassuring, unlike Harper's that was more often half-manic and giggly.  Harper tried to smile in a more Alexander-like way, but it felt, and she suspected probably looked, forced.  It did seem that her heart had calmed down a bit, though, and then she smiled a little more naturally.

Olivia, of course, had told Harper that it was actually quite reassuring to be the woman doing the Presentation.

"Up until that point I felt like I was maybe in over my head," she told Harper the night before, "and it felt good to have all of you around me.  It reminded me that I wasn't doing this alone, and you were all going to help me when I needed it.  Which was true; everyone helped out when Dorothy was very little and I needed help taking care of her."

"I wish it had been like that when I had you," said Sarah, with a slight grimace.

There was a long silence, then, with Sarah and Olivia looking at each other thoughtfully, but saying nothing at first.  Harper had almost forgotten that Olivia was the first child born on Mars, and it was not exactly allowed at the time.  Harper did not know many details, but her impression was that Olivia had not been exactly welcomed into the Colony, because they were not prepared (either logistically or emotionally) for there to be children on Mars.  Olivia of course had been too young to realize anything about it, but Sarah must have felt stigmatized for getting pregnant.

"I'm sorry, Mom," said Olivia softly, and Sarah shook her head as if to clear it.

"It was a long time ago.  I'm glad you had a better reception."

It occurred to Harper, briefly, to tell them her thoughts.  Thoughts like:

1) Whenever I see a Presentation, I suddenly want to be that woman, the mother, who brought a new life into the world and is presenting them to all of us

2) ...but then I get frightened, because even though I know Olivia's a great doctor and lots of other women have done this, it scares me.

3) I think Alexander would be a great dad, and I feel guilty about not giving him that; he's never said anything, but I can imagine him thinking it.

4) When I think about being a parent, it makes me think about getting old, and I don't like to think about being mortal and getting old.

5) I wish we didn't do the Presentation, because it makes me think about all of these topics I'd rather not think about

6) ...but I'd also really miss it if we stopped.

She thought about all of this, and about saying it all to Olivia or maybe Sarah, and almost did it.  But then, Olivia and Sarah were still talking to each other, and she didn't want to interrupt them, and after a few minutes the moment had passed and she said nothing.  She also could not imagine Olivia ever being scared like that, and didn't want to disappoint her by admitting to being scared herself.  Sarah, perhaps, might have been easier to tell her doubts and fears to, but she didn't know Sarah very well yet.

Not that Olivia had ever tried to shame her, or told her that she was disappointed in her.  Harper admired Olivia a lot, though, and being around her always encouraged Harper to try to be her best possible self.  The unfortunate flip side was, she also became more insecure about anything she (Harper) thought of as less than her best possible self.  Olivia did not concern herself too much with feelings, her own or anyone else's; she was nearly always focused on the problem,  medical or engineering or mechanical or otherwise external; the way she dealt with emotions was to push them out of the way, in order to focus (herself and others) on the task at hand.  Often, in a crisis, this was inspirational, and helped redirect them all from bickering or politics towards working together.  But Harper found it difficult to emulate, and then felt disappointed in herself because she found it difficult.

She spent the rest of the evening listening to Sarah and Olivia talk, and said almost nothing.  Now she was here, with the other Martians, in Building 20, and it was almost time for the Presentation, and if her heart pounded any faster she thought it might explode.

The other Martians had mostly already arrived in Building 20.  Harper saw that Sarah and Jacob, Olivia's parents, were also there waiting.  This was not too surprising; Sarah had been talking with Olivia about the Presentation the night before, so of course she would be curious.

Then, Harper saw Ophelia walk in.  This was a little surprising, since Harper had not expected any of the Earthlings to be present at the Presentation, but Harper had talked to Ophelia occasionally, and liked her.  Ophelia's eyes scanned across the room, saw Harper, smiled, and came over to stand near her.  Harper was a bit relieved; talking to an Earthling might be a good distraction from what was going on.

Then, she saw that Theodore was just behind Ophelia.  Oh.  Theodore was not Harper's favorite Earthling; he was too cynical and his words were often harsh and tactless.  Then she saw that there were several more Earthlings behind them, straggling in.  Among them, she saw Helene, the leader.

Harper's pulse, which had been gradually calming down as she held Alexander's hand, sped up again.  Perhaps sensing this, he put his arm around her shoulders, and patted her shoulder reassuringly.  Harper turned her head to look forward again, away from the newly arrived Earthlings, and resolved not to think about them.

In this, she completely failed.

Looking back on it afterwards, Harper and Alexander discussed what followed, and Harper was surprised to discover that Alexander recalled no catcalls, no derisive jeers, no clearly audible comment of any kind.

"No, it wasn't that bad," he said.  "They just did some exasperated sighs, I think, and maybe a bit of eye-rolling."

"But I distinctly remember Ophelia saying, 'oh come on', at one point," protested Harper, her brow furrowed and her gaze directed down, as if scanning through her own memories to double-check them.

"Did she?" asked Alexander.  "Well, maybe so.  It must not have been too loud, though, or I would have noticed."

"Sophia noticed," said Harper.  "She didn't look like the mother normally does at a Presentation.  Normally the mother looks inspired, smiling and maybe also tearing up.  She looked depressed, a little angry, a little sad.  She looked relieved to get it over with by the end."

"That's how I felt, too," added Harper, looking down.  Alexander made a small noise of agreement, and she realized he didn't understand the reason she felt relieved.  Normally, Alexander understood her better than anyone else, and that was probably because she told him more than anyone else about how she was feeling and what she was thinking.  This topic, though, her fears about Presention and what it represented, she couldn't talk to him about, because she was afraid of what he might say.

Well, no, that wasn't quite it.  Alexander wouldn't probably say anything, or at least nothing negative.  He just might look disappointed or sad, and Harper was afraid of seeing him look that way.

"I think she felt better by the time she went to sleep, though," said Alexander.

"Probably," agreed Harper.

"No, I mean Olivia, Liam, Emma, Elijah, and a few others snuck in to see her later, and did a smaller Presentation again, without the Earthlings there," said Alexander.  "I think they could tell that Sophia didn't really feel the support she was supposed to, after the first Presentation, because of the way the Earthlings were acting, so they gave her another one, with just the oldest Martians there.  I think it was Emma's idea, probably, but Olivia and some others were there.  The fact that they went to the effort to come give her a private ceremony, after the first, probably made her feel a lot better, like she had the support of those people, because they had gone to the extra effort to make sure she knew it."

"Oh," said Harper, surprised.  Why hadn't she been invited?  But then, she thought with relief, at least she didn't have to go to a second one.  Then she felt guilty for feeling relieved, and then angry at being made to feel guilty when she hadn't done anything wrong, and then confusion about not even knowing who she was angry with.  Her emotions ricocheted back and forth inside the tight prison of her heart, and she couldn't relieve the pressure because she didn't know who to talk to about it.